The home of UK weddings

17 June 2014

To Ask or not to Ask

To ask or not to ask? When it comes to proposing that is the question – not whether to pop the question itself but whether a man should ask his (hopefully) future father in law before asking the woman in question.

Women are no longer seen as ‘possessions’ to be passed from father to husband, the ideology at the root of the existence of ‘asking the father for his daughter’s hand’. However can this tradition still be applied to modern scenarios without a touch of misogynistic or antiquated? I think it absolutely can.

There generally tends to be the argument that this tradition intentionally or unintentionally connotes that the women is not free to make up her own mind, on the flipside there’s the argument for that asking for the woman’s hand shows respect for both her and her family.

Personally I think it’s about the mind-set, is the man asking for permission or blessing? There’s definitely a slight difference between the two. If a man asks for permission is he unknowingly suggesting that the woman in question cannot make up her own mind? I think that is where the line is. Asking the other most important man in the life of the woman you hope will become your wife for his blessing definitely shows a great deal of respect and acknowledgement of the fact that there is someone who loves her as much as you do. What’s more is it takes a lot of courage for a man to ask his potentially-future father in law for his blessing to ask his daughter to marry him, definitely an attractive quality.

I also think there is scope to not only ask for the father’s blessing but also the mother’s. After all, she loves and wants what is best for her daughter as much the father in question.

There’s currently a great deal of media attention focused on the fact that the mother’s name is currently not on marriage certificates and mounting pressure on the Home Office to change this. Those sentiments could also be applied to the case of asking the parents of the woman you wish to marry for their blessing.

What do you think? Should a man consult the parents of his beloved before proposing? Or is this an antiquated tradition that should not have a place in 21st century romance? Leave a comment and let us know!

Image: Wedding Republic



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