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24 February 2014

Diary of a Bride-to-be: Iím Having a Fake Engagement Party

I’d never really factored in an engagement party, and given the option I probably wouldn’t bother but it seems the choice has been taken out of my hands, as my mum has decided to throw us one in the summer. Now you may be thinking what a lovely thing for a mother to do, throwing an engagement party for her only daughter. But it’s not quite as lovely as all that, allow me to explain.

My mum has recently moved away to the countryside and is in the process of doing up her house. She originally intended on doing a summer party to cheer up a friend as her son was due to immigrate to Australia. The Australia move is on the back burner now, but she’d got so engrossed in the planning that she decided to throw it anyway.

Loosely termed my “engagement party” this, occasion also falls in line with my birthday, so it seems I am also having a birthday party this year. It’s going to be a twee affair, with mismatched china (that she has been sourcing from charity shops since the end of last year) knitted bunting (which she has created in excess and I’m talking reams of the stuff; is knitted bunting a thing?!) and a strict floral dress code.

You probably don’t know too much about my clothing preferences but my colour of choice is grey. Sometimes black if the mood strikes. I have limited floral items so as you can imagine I’m already out of my comfort zone.

A marquee is being hired. She’s serving “Pimm’s on the lawn” (I’ve never had Pimm’s in my life). We’re baking cakes. There has been talk of finger sandwiches. To understand just how bizarre this is I need to draw attention to the fact that up until a few months ago, we all lived in cities. We have Staffordshire bull terriers, my step dad is bald with a goatee and an earring and Jon is covered in tattoos. We are not twee people. Don’t get me wrong we’re not trashy people, but Pimm’s sipping people we ain’t.

Let’s call a spade a spade, our engagement has little to do with this party; this is my mum’s party which will fall in line seamlessly with the completion of the work being carried out on it. I certainly don’t begrudge her this as the move to the country has been a long time coming for her. So we can call it an engagement/birthday party for me…but we all know it’s a housewarming party for her.

Like a page straight out of Country Life magazine but with cut outs from Skin Deep tattoo magazine taped over the top, this is going to be one odd party. But hey, eating cake with a couple of afternoon drinks in the company of friends and family can’t be that bad, can it?

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